DETROIT, MI – The recent death of Betty Hixson, 87, grandmother of rapper Eminem, has been definitively classified as a standard, non-celebrity-enhanced death, according to a preliminary report from the National Bureau of Obvious Facts. Despite widespread media speculation regarding potential unique circumstances due to her familial ties, investigators found no evidence of a 'celebrity death ray' or 'fame-induced terminal illness.'

“While we understand the public’s fascination with anything even tangentially related to global superstars, Mrs. Hixson’s demise appears to be entirely consistent with the natural aging process,” stated Dr. Eleanor Vance, lead researcher for the NBOF. “There was no indication she passed away from, say, an overdose of platinum records or an acute allergic reaction to a Grammy Award acceptance speech.”

Media outlets had reportedly dispatched teams to investigate whether the octogenarian's passing might offer new insights into the mortality of those within a two-degree separation from fame. One unnamed tabloid editor reportedly expressed disappointment, stating, “We were really hoping for a groundbreaking ‘Death by Proximity to Greatness’ angle. This is just… regular.”

The NBOF report concluded that, for now, the general public can rest assured that their own non-famous grandmothers are likely to experience similar, un-newsworthy ends.