Well, Jack, here I am, live from the Hambry Public Library, right by the old reference section, next to where they used to keep those giant world atlases! A real wonder, this place.
Now, I was just reading this fascinating piece, Jack, about a big book company—I believe they call themselves W.W. Noodle & Company, or perhaps W.C. Fields and Sons, one of those venerable old institutions, you know—and they’re on the hunt for a very specific sort of individual. A… a 'conversion-focused growth hacker,' they said. (whispering) Sounds like a modern-day inventor, doesn't it? Someone who can really get in there and… well, hack at things to make them grow. They want him to help people understand their 'trauma' better, and I think that’s just marvelous, Jack. Getting people to talk about their feelings, their little dramas, and then turning that into a widely-read book, why, that’s just what the doctor ordered! I remember back in '72, when my Aunt Martha wrote that charming little pamphlet on how to properly arrange gladioli, and it just took off. Not quite trauma, mind you, but it certainly helped a lot of folks brighten their homes, and that's the main thing, isn't it, Jack? Helping people.
They’re talking about 'monetizing suffering,' which sounds a tad dramatic, doesn't it? But I think what they really mean, Jack, is helping folks share their stories, their struggles, you know? Like a good old fashioned quilting bee, but for your soul. Like when I saw that fellow at the county fair, selling those little wooden duck whistles that sounded just like a real mallard. Everyone loved those whistles. Or maybe it was a tiny wooden cow that mooed. Anyway, the main point is, they're trying to get more people to read these important books about… about getting over things, and finding a little peace. And that's a noble cause, my friend. A truly noble cause. I say, good on you, W.W. Noodle & Company, for championing the human spirit! And to that bright young 'growth hacker,' whoever you are, keep up the good work, Jack. You’re making a real difference. Now, where did I put my spectacles? I swear, sometimes these new reading glasses just… what was I saying? Oh, yes, books! Wonderful things, books. And a good walk in the park always clears the head, doesn’t it? Like my old pal, Gus, used to say, a stitch in time saves nine, especially when you're looking for your car keys.
God Bless America.
