WASHINGTON D.C. — Despite Rep. Bartholomew “Bart” Crumbley (R-TX) not having been seen by colleagues or staff in weeks, House leadership confirmed Tuesday that the missing congressman is still collecting his full salary and casting votes through established proxy protocols. The revelation came during a press conference intended to update the public on the search for Crumbley, which officials describe as “ongoing, in spirit.”

“We understand that the public may find Rep. Crumbley's physical absence unusual,” stated Speaker of the House Eleanor Vance, carefully adjusting her mic. “However, the legislative branch is nothing if not adaptable. Our systems are robust enough to ensure the uninterrupted flow of governance, even when a key participant is… off-campus.” Vance then presented a detailed breakdown of how Crumbley's voting record remained 98.7% consistent with his prior term, a metric she cited as “a testament to the effectiveness of modern congressional delegation methods.”

A senior aide, speaking anonymously from within Crumbley's own district office in Pecan Gap, Texas, confirmed that operations were proceeding as normal. “Honestly, we’ve actually seen an increase in constituent satisfaction scores,” the aide admitted, requesting anonymity to protect their ongoing employment. “Without having to factor in Rep. Crumbley's… unique interjections during community forums, we're able to address issues much more efficiently. It's almost like a streamlined, focus-grouped version of representation.” The aide noted that the office had even managed to secure funding for a new roundabout, a project previously stalled by Crumbley's insistence on a public park dedicated solely to “historic taxidermy.”

Sources close to the House Ethics Committee, currently reviewing the situation with the “due diligence of a sloth on sedatives,” indicated that unless Rep. Crumbley's absence directly involved verifiable malfeasance or a public scandal that couldn't be ignored by cable news, the current arrangement was unlikely to change. “His voting proxy forms are filled out correctly, his direct deposit is still active, and no one's really complaining,” one committee staffer shrugged. “What's the problem? The trains are running on time, by which I mean, they're not running, but that's normal.”

The committee anticipates a full report on the matter sometime after the next three election cycles, or whenever Rep. Crumbley sends a postcard.