I was merely attempting to finish my morning Earl Grey, attempting, I might add, to ignore the various shrieks emanating from the kitchen staff, when the latest bulletin fluttered across my desk. It seems the esteemed minds of Washington D.C. have, after much deliberation and presumably a rather large grant, discovered that women’s hearts are, to put it delicately, throwing in the towel.
Not due to the usual suspects of inherited weakness or an unfortunate penchant for rich pastries, mind you. Oh no. It is, according to this 'groundbreaking' report, the 'relentless, soul-crushing barrage' of daily information that has finally done them in. One can only imagine the strain. Another geopolitical kerfuffle, a fresh economic downturn, or perhaps the twenty-seventh unsolicited opinion on carbohydrate intake from someone whose dietary advice I certainly did not request – it all simply becomes too much. The cardiovascular system, it appears, has had its fill.
It’s quite remarkable, isn’t it, that it took a 'study' for someone to connect the dots between perpetual distress and bodily revolt. One might have thought this rather self-evident to anyone living through the last decade.
Truly, a revelation.
