The pandemic irrevocably altered our relationship with the office, transforming kitchens into conference rooms and bedrooms into boardrooms. While the commute vanished, so too, perhaps, did a sliver of our collective grip on reality. Here are the undeniable signs that you've truly gone feral in your home office:
1. You refer to your pet as a 'co-worker.' Not only do you include them in daily stand-ups, but you've started assigning them performance improvement plans for excessive napping during critical meetings.
2. Your morning 'commute' now involves mentally preparing yourself for the grueling 15-foot journey to the kitchen. You still manage to hit traffic in your own hallway, usually behind a rogue slipper.
3. Your wardrobe has been optimized exclusively for 'Zoom-appropriate tops and pajama-appropriate bottoms.' You've even coined a term for it: 'business casual mullet,' and you wear it with alarming pride.
4. You've started conducting detailed performance reviews for inanimate objects around your house. Your toaster oven, despite consistently burning your bagels, just received a glowing recommendation for its consistent heating capabilities.
5. The neighbor's dog barking has been formally added to your calendar as 'Ambient Noise - Critical Project Background.' You frequently reschedule important calls around its nap times, respecting its 'focus hours.'
6. You communicate almost exclusively in Slack emojis, even when talking to yourself. Your inner monologue now features a significant amount of the 'sweat-smile' emoji, especially when considering the pile of laundry.
7. You accidentally log off from your own dreams at 5 PM, expecting a notification from your subconscious about 'next steps.' You then spend an hour refreshing your pillow, wondering if the server is down.
