Senator Claims Broken Arm Was 'Necessary Deterrent' Against Public Opinion
Lawmaker asserts physical force remains the most effective tool for managing constituent feedback.
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#us politics
13 articles
Democrats Unveil New Strategy: Vigorously Condemn Trump’s Actions While Simultaneously Doing Nothing
Party leaders confirm their multi-pronged approach involves strongly worded tweets, furrowed brows, and an unwavering commitment to procedural delays.
Nation’s Political Leaders Confirm Unity Is For Losers
New bipartisan consensus suggests that alienating half the population is the most effective path to electoral success.
Democrats Unveil Groundbreaking 'Listening Initiative,' Pledge to Hear 'At Least One Whole Worker' by 2028
New program aims to revolutionize political engagement by actively soliciting audible human sounds from the working class.
Cornyn Unveils Revolutionary 'Thought-Crime' CDL Ban, Anticipates Democratic Opposition to 'Common Sense'
Senator believes Democrats will defend the 'right' of undocumented truckers to merely *think* about operating a commercial vehicle, citing 'deep-seated empathy for vehicular abstract concepts.'
Nation's Younger Black Men Reportedly 'Too Busy' to Care About Trump's Policies
Groundbreaking new study reveals widespread disinterest, with many preferring to contemplate lint or the precise moment toast achieves optimal crispness.
GOP Strategists Discover Texas Senate Race Could Be Won By Actual Voters, Panic Ensues
Alarm bells ring across the party as internal models suggest democratic participation might influence election outcomes.
Democrats Unveil Revolutionary 'Simultaneous Counter-Response' Strategy, Confuse Nation
Party officials hail innovative approach to messaging, admit it may require 17 different cable channels to fully grasp.
Nation's Democrats Officially Declared 'Crazy' Following Exhaustive Presidential Address
New Executive Order expected to mandate daily 'sanity checks' for all registered members of the opposing party.
Nation Braces for Trump Speech, Prepares Emergency Supply of Context and Reality Check Kits
Experts warn citizens to secure all loose facts and historical records ahead of presidential address.
Nation's Democrats Diagnosed With 'Chronic Trump-Induced Reality Aversion Disorder' Following SOTU Counter-Programming
Experts confirm widespread cognitive dissonance as party opts for 'alternative' viewing experiences, including competitive lint-picking.
Democrats Unveil Bold New Strategy: The 'Pre-Response' to the State of the Union
Party Hopes to Preemptively Address Concerns Before They Even Know What Those Concerns Are.
Democrats Unveil Bold New Strategy: Pretending Everything Is Fine
Party officials confirm a groundbreaking shift towards 'strategic optimism' in the face of inconvenient legalities.
