New Study Confirms Teens Are Still People, Even Online
Groundbreaking research suggests that digital interactions might not entirely obliterate human emotional capacity, baffling older generations.
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19 articles
Study Finds Teens’ Empathy Levels Soaring Thanks To Constant Online Performance Review
Researchers confirm that the relentless pressure to curate a likable online persona is, in fact, a powerful empathy booster.
New Study Confirms Gift-Giving Now Primarily A Performance Art
Researchers find the emotional impact of presents is secondary to their social media shareability and perceived 'thoughtfulness' score.
New Study Confirms Most Aesthetic Decisions Are Just Vibes
Researchers find that the 'perfect' choice for home decor is overwhelmingly determined by an inexplicable, deeply personal feeling.
New Study Confirms Humans Are, In Fact, On The Planet
Groundbreaking research suggests a surprising connection between human activity and the physical world around them.
Nation's Mix-Tape Curators Found To Be Unwittingly Broadcasting Their Exact Age
Experts confirm that a 12-track playlist is a more reliable demographic indicator than a birth certificate or a credit score.
Study Finds Believing You’re Well-Rested Just As Effective As Actual Sleep
Researchers confirm that the human brain is remarkably adept at self-deception, especially regarding productivity.
New Study Confirms Humans Still Require Sustenance, Despite Busy Schedules
Researchers baffled by persistent biological need for food, even when 'swamped' or 'just not feeling it.'
Scientists Discover Lasers Can Also Be Used For Pointing At Things, Not Just Flipping Magnets
Groundbreaking research confirms that the focused light beams possess a surprising versatility beyond their recently revealed magnetic manipulation capabilities.
New Study Confirms Pisces Are Legally Incapable Of Committing To Social Engagements
Groundbreaking research suggests astrological predisposition to last-minute cancellations is now admissible in court.
New Study Finds Most People’s Nervous Systems Just Fine With A Couch And A TV
Researchers conclude that the average human brain does not, in fact, require a bespoke 'sensory journey' to achieve basic relaxation.
New Study Confirms Humans Eat Food When Stressed, Feel Bad Afterwards
Groundbreaking research sheds light on the complex interplay between caloric intake, emotional distress, and subsequent regret.
New Study Confirms Your Bowel Movements Are Now Public Health Policy
Researchers declare 'optimal' stool frequency, paving the way for mandatory national gut checks and corporate wellness initiatives.
New Study Finds Humans Are Just Extremely Complicated, Self-Serving Bacteria
Researchers confirm what every parent of a toddler already knew, attributing all human behavior to microscopic self-interest.
New Study Confirms Best Way To Grow Small Business Is To Already Be Rich
Groundbreaking research suggests that a pre-existing abundance of capital significantly streamlines the entrepreneurial journey.
New Study Confirms Morning Routine Optimization Now Primary Indicator Of Human Worth
Researchers find that failure to perfectly curate the first 60 minutes of your day, including specific attire, correlates directly with societal obsolescence.
Groundbreaking Study Confirms Dogs Primarily Exist To Create More Work For Humans
Researchers find canine 'help' often involves strategic placement of slobber, tripping hazards, and existential dread.
Scientists Admit 750 Years Of Poetry More Accurate Than Satellite Imagery
Researchers concede ancient verses offer superior data on land use than multi-million dollar scientific equipment.
Nation's Scientists Confirm Your Brain Is Just Making Stuff Up All The Time
Groundbreaking new research reveals that the human mind frequently fabricates patterns and meaning where none exist, often in toast.
