MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA – Responding to growing frustrations over autonomous vehicles routinely seizing up and blocking traffic, Waymo announced today a groundbreaking new 'Premium Human Intervention' subscription service. For a modest monthly fee, municipalities can now access a dedicated hotline promising a human response within a guaranteed 45-minute window, a significant improvement over the current 'whenever we get around to it' standard.

“We understand that our fully autonomous vehicles occasionally require a brief, human-centric reboot sequence,” explained Waymo spokesperson, Chip Algorithm, during a press conference held entirely by hologram. “This new tier ensures that when a multi-million-dollar piece of cutting-edge technology decides to take an unscheduled nap in the middle of an intersection, cities won’t have to wait an entire hour for a flesh-and-blood technician to gently nudge it back into consciousness.”

The standard, non-premium service will continue to offer human intervention at no additional cost, with estimated wait times ranging from 60 minutes to 'until someone eventually notices.' Critics, however, were quick to point out that the service essentially monetizes the company's own operational failures.

“It’s brilliant, really,” said Dr. Evelyn Data, a professor of urban planning at the University of Silicon Valley. “They’ve found a way to charge cities for the privilege of cleaning up their messes, all while still calling it 'progress.' It's the ultimate 'you break it, you buy it' model, except you didn't break it, and you're still buying it.”

Waymo also hinted at a 'Platinum Intervention' tier, which would include a human technician arriving with artisanal coffee and a personalized apology note from a senior executive, for an undisclosed premium.