NEW YORK, NY — In a groundbreaking diplomatic move, the United Nations Security Council has officially designated Sunday's World Baseball Classic semifinal between the United States and the Dominican Republic as an 'Authorized Proxy Conflict,' hoping to channel simmering geopolitical tensions into a more palatable sporting arena.

'After careful consideration of both nations' historical rivalries, economic interdependence, and frankly, their shared obsession with who has the better shortstop, this seemed like the most logical and least destructive path forward,' stated UN Secretary-General António Guterres in a press conference. 'The winner receives bragging rights and a spot in the WBC final; the loser, well, they get to go home and rethink their life choices, which is punishment enough for most baseball fans.'

Sources close to the negotiations indicated that the decision came after a series of tense, late-night meetings where traditional diplomatic solutions proved inadequate. 'We tried everything from trade agreements to cultural exchange programs,' explained Dr. Eleanor Vance, a UN conflict resolution specialist. 'But once someone suggested 'winner takes all in a nine-inning slugfest,' both delegations immediately perked up. It was like watching two toddlers finally agree on who gets the last cookie.'

The UN has deployed a special team of impartial umpires, vetted for their ability to withstand intense pressure and the occasional thrown helmet. The organization also confirmed that all post-game celebrations and lamentations will be monitored to ensure they remain within the bounds of international sportsmanship, or at least don't involve actual invasions.

Should the game fail to resolve the underlying issues, the UN has a contingency plan: a best-of-seven series of competitive dominoes.