NEW YORK, NY — The National Basketball Association announced today a groundbreaking clarification to its scoring system, confirming that 'moral victories' – particularly those involving superior rebounding statistics in a significant loss – will continue to be worth precisely zero points. The announcement comes after recent data showed teams, such as the Houston Rockets, excelling in niche metrics like 'dominating the glass' while still suffering substantial defeats.

“While we appreciate the effort involved in securing a high number of offensive and defensive rebounds, our research indicates that the ball still needs to go through the hoop more times than the opponent’s for a team to be declared the victor,” stated NBA Commissioner Adam Silver, in a memo widely distributed to all 30 franchises. “We understand this might be a difficult adjustment for some organizations who have been quietly celebrating their superior 'hustle stats' in the locker room after a 20-point loss.”

League spokesperson Brenda Jenkins elaborated on the decision. “For years, we’ve seen coaches cling to these micro-victories. 'We out-rebounded them by 15!' they’d exclaim, ignoring the 40% shooting from the field. It’s time to move past this. A rebound is a means to an end, not the end itself. Unless, of course, you’re playing a game specifically about rebounding, which, to be clear, is not basketball.”

Sources close to several struggling franchises expressed disappointment, noting that 'glass domination' was often the only positive takeaway from an otherwise dismal performance. One anonymous general manager lamented, “What are we supposed to tell the fans now? That we just… lost?”

The NBA confirmed that plans to introduce a 'Participation Trophy' for teams that try really hard but still lose are not currently in development, but 'never say never.'