DURHAM, NC – Following its predictable ascension to the No. 1 spot in the final Top 25 And 1 rankings, Duke University's athletic department has formally petitioned the NCAA to consider the upcoming men's basketball tournament a mere formality. Sources close to the program indicate a growing sentiment that the three-week event is now 'largely unnecessary' given Duke's pre-ordained status.

“Look, we appreciate the pageantry, the bracket pools, the Cinderella stories,” stated Associate Head Coach Jonathan Scheyer, adjusting a perfectly tailored blazer. “But at a certain point, you have to ask: for whom are we doing this? The outcome feels rather… established. We’re simply proposing a more efficient allocation of resources, perhaps a direct trophy presentation.”

The proposal, reportedly drafted on parchment and delivered via carrier pigeon to NCAA headquarters, suggests that other teams could still play for a 'runner-up' or 'most valiant effort' trophy. “It’s about respecting everyone’s time,” added Dr. Evelyn Thorne, a fictional sports sociologist from a rival institution. “Why drag out the inevitable? The entire nation already knows Duke is the best, just as they knew last year, and the year before that, and the year before that, ad infinitum.”

NCAA officials have yet to respond publicly, though a leaked memo reportedly showed Commissioner Charlie Baker scribbling 'Just play the damn games, Duke' in the margins. Meanwhile, Duke’s athletic director, Dr. Reginald 'Reggie' Cunningham III, was seen polishing a large, hypothetical championship trophy in his office, muttering, “It just feels right.”