BEIJING — Chinese foreign minister Wang Yi announced today that "thorough preparations" are being made for a potential summit between President Xi Jinping and former President Donald Trump, confirming that these preparations include a comprehensive suite of emergency exit strategies for every conceivable outcome.

Sources close to the planning committee, speaking on condition of anonymity, indicated that the contingency plans span a wide spectrum of scenarios. “We’re not just talking about the usual economic and geopolitical frameworks,” stated one official. “We’re also drafting protocols for spontaneous policy announcements, unexpected handshake durations, and, of course, the ever-present possibility of a mid-meeting pivot to a completely unrelated topic, like golf handicaps or the true size of a crowd.”

The preparations reportedly include a dedicated team of linguists ready to translate any sudden shifts in American foreign policy into something that doesn't immediately destabilize the global economy. “It’s less about translation and more about strategic reinterpretation,” explained Dr. Li Wei, a senior analyst at the Institute of International Relations. “Our goal is to ensure that whatever is said, it sounds like a carefully considered diplomatic position, even if it was just a passing thought.”

When asked about the specific nature of the 'thorough preparations,' a spokesperson for the Ministry of Foreign Affairs simply stated, “We are preparing for all eventualities, up to and including the complete and instantaneous rewriting of history.”