Thursday, March 12, 2026
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Hambry

The News, Remastered

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#science satire

2 articles
New Virus Discovered To Be Just Reorganizing Your Cells For 'Better Flow'

New Virus Discovered To Be Just Reorganizing Your Cells For 'Better Flow'

Scientists confirm pathogenic virus is merely an efficiency consultant for your internal organs, promising 'synergy' and 'optimized pathways.'

2d ago

Scientists Confirm Universe Will End Exactly As Humanity Predicted It Would: With A Whimper, Not A Bang

Scientists Confirm Universe Will End Exactly As Humanity Predicted It Would: With A Whimper, Not A Bang

New data suggests the cosmos is gearing up for a 'big crunch' in roughly 20 billion years, validating every single existential dread ever felt by anyone.

Mar 4

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