New Study Confirms All Healthy Relationships Begin With Mutual Loathing
Researchers find that true, lasting affection is directly proportional to the initial desire to commit grievous bodily harm.
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#relationships
16 articles
Gen Z Dating Apps Now Require Proof of Basic Tool Competency
New app features aim to streamline the modern courtship ritual by prioritizing practical skills over emotional availability.
Jeju Island’s Love Land Declared Nation’s Most Effective Couples Therapy
Experts tout the erotic sculpture park as a potent, if unconventional, solution for marital malaise, citing its unparalleled ability to spark 'deep, uncomfortable conversations.'
New Study Finds Marital Bliss Directly Proportional To Bank Account Balance
Researchers confirm that love, trust, and communication are merely side effects of sufficient disposable income.
American Woman Discovers Husband Is, In Fact, A Separate Human Being With His Own Habits
Groundbreaking research confirms that marrying someone from another country does not magically erase their individual preferences or, shockingly, their nationality.
Nation’s Men Report Readiness To Be Dads, Await Partner To Materialize From Thin Air
A new study reveals a surprising gender gap in family planning, with men overwhelmingly expressing a desire for children, provided the logistics magically resolve themselves.
New Study Confirms Humans Can Be Categorized Into Exactly Six Romantic Archetypes, No More, No Less
Researchers declare the nuanced tapestry of human connection officially streamlined for easier algorithmic processing.
Nation’s Couples Officially Require Professional Coaching To Remember How To Kiss
Experts confirm that the fundamental act of lip-locking now necessitates structured workshops and bespoke intimacy plans.
Couples Now Required To Submit Quarterly Relationship Progress Reports
New initiative aims to streamline emotional labor, ensure optimal partnership efficiency, and identify underperforming unions.
New Study Confirms Men Primarily Pull Away To Avoid Asking Where The Remote Is
Researchers find the perceived effort of locating a misplaced television accessory outweighs most relational commitments.
New AI Tool Promises To Automate All Uncomfortable Relationship Conversations
Developers tout 'Emotional Intelligence 2.0' as the future of conflict resolution, allowing users to outsource their feelings to algorithms.
Nation’s Couples Now Require Legal Counsel To Navigate ‘Emotional Cheating’ Buzzfeed Quizzes
A new industry of 'relationship compliance officers' is emerging as partners struggle to interpret the 41-point ethical minefield.
Nation's Adults Begin Aggressive 'Friendship Portfolio Optimization' Ahead of Social Season
Experts recommend quarterly relationship reviews and ruthless decommissioning of low-ROI connections.
New Study Confirms Last-Minute Valentine’s Day Gifts Still Count As “Effort”
Researchers find that the intent to purchase, regardless of timing, is largely indistinguishable from genuine forethought when viewed through the lens of romantic obligation.
New Study Confirms Everyone Is Just Guessing About Everyone Else's Sexual History
Researchers conclude that the human condition is primarily defined by a collective, unspoken agreement to pretend we know what's going on in other people's bedrooms.
New Study Finds Optimal Sex Requires 8-Hour Workday Of Emotional Labor
Experts confirm that true intimacy is a full-time job, complete with performance reviews and mandatory team-building exercises.
