ROME – The Vatican's newly formed Department of Theological Stability (DTS) has issued a preliminary report indicating that the 'unprecedented levels of humility' exhibited by Father Bartholomew 'Barty' O'Malley are beginning to pose a significant, albeit spiritual, threat to established Church doctrines. O'Malley, known for his controversial advocacy for LGBTQ+ Catholics, reportedly honed his humility during a formative stint as a busboy at a particularly demanding Olive Garden in suburban Ohio.

“Father O’Malley’s capacity for self-effacement is, frankly, off the charts,” stated Monsignor Alistair Finch, Head of Existential Threat Assessment at the DTS. “His ability to absorb criticism while simultaneously championing inclusivity has created a spiritual vortex that is, by all measurable metrics, causing a slight but persistent wobble in the doctrine of papal infallibility. We’ve had to reinforce several ancient texts with duct tape.”

Sources close to the DTS suggest O'Malley's 'radical acceptance' of diverse viewpoints has been particularly destabilizing. “He just… listens,” whispered Sister Agnes Perpetua, a senior analyst who requested anonymity due to the sensitive nature of her work. “And then he doesn’t immediately condemn. It’s highly irregular. Our algorithms for 'heresy detection' keep crashing.”

The DTS is now considering whether to classify O'Malley’s humility as a 'category 4 spiritual anomaly,' potentially requiring him to wear a special lead-lined cassock to contain his radical empathy.