WASHINGTON D.C. — In a move widely seen as a desperate attempt to avoid being 'ghosted' by international markets, Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen today unveiled the 'Fiscal Tinder' initiative, designed to enhance the U.S. economy's allure to potential investors. The program comes after a prominent budget watchdog likened the nation’s debt to a charming-but-ultimately-unreliable Hallmark movie boyfriend.

“For too long, we’ve taken our top-tier credit rating for granted, assuming our sheer size and historical reliability were enough,” Yellen stated at a press conference, adjusting a red power tie. “But the global financial landscape is competitive. We need to show some leg, metaphorically speaking, and remind everyone why we’re still the one they want to bring home to their portfolio.”

The initiative reportedly includes a series of 'fiscal glow-up' measures, such as enhanced budget transparency, a commitment to 'meaningful conversations' about spending, and a new government-backed influencer campaign featuring TikTok economists explaining bond yields with dance moves. Sources close to the Treasury suggest a 'meet-cute' scenario with a major sovereign wealth fund is already being storyboarded.

“We’ve got to stop acting like the emotionally unavailable trust fund kid who never calls,” commented Dr. Evelyn Price, a newly appointed 'Chief Fiscal Charisma Officer' for the Treasury. “Markets want stability, yes, but they also want to feel wanted. They want a partner who can commit, not one who keeps leaving their dirty laundry — I mean, unfunded liabilities — all over the place.”

Critics argue the initiative is merely cosmetic, failing to address the underlying structural issues that make the U.S. economy a less appealing long-term partner. However, the Treasury remains optimistic, hinting at a potential 'fiscal rom-com' sequel if the first season of Fiscal Tinder proves successful.

Economists are now debating whether the U.S. will ultimately find its 'small-town firefighter' or if it’s destined to spend its golden years alone with a mountain of credit card debt.