BEIJING — The United States men's hockey team secured a thrilling overtime victory against Sweden on Wednesday, catapulting them into the Olympic semifinals and, according to preliminary data, causing a 0.003% spike in Google searches for 'what is offsides?'

Defenseman Quinn Hughes netted the decisive goal, a moment described by Dr. Evelyn Putter, Head of Sporadic National Enthusiasm at the Institute for Transient Patriotism, as 'a fleeting window of opportunity for Americans to feel vaguely proud about something that isn't football or arguing on the internet.'

The team now faces Slovakia, a nation whose hockey prowess, according to U.S. Olympic Committee spokesperson Chad 'The Puck' Peterson, 'is just enough to be respectable, but not so much that we have to worry about them overshadowing our eventual bronze-medal-game loss.' Peterson added that the team is 'cautiously optimistic' about their chances of not completely embarrassing themselves.

Meanwhile, Canada, after a similarly close call, will face Finland. Analysts predict that if the U.S. team were to somehow win gold, the resulting national celebration would last approximately 36 hours before the collective consciousness returned to debating gas prices and celebrity scandals. 'It's a delicate balance,' noted Dr. Putter. 'Too much success, and people might start expecting it.'