LONDON – The United Kingdom has unveiled its much-anticipated new travel system, effective February 25th, designed to 'optimize national identity alignment' at all points of entry. Dual nationals, in particular, are expected to experience a profound period of self-reflection, with new protocols requiring them to declare their 'primary allegiance' before boarding and again upon arrival.

According to the Department for Existential Border Logistics (DEBL), the new system aims to reduce queue times by eliminating 'identity ambiguity.' Travelers holding two or more passports will now be subject to a mandatory 'Loyalty Declaration Form 7B/Omega,' which includes a section for a 500-word essay on 'Why My Chosen Nation Deserves My Undivided Soul.'

“We believe this will foster a deeper connection to one’s chosen homeland, or at least a very rapid decision-making process,” stated Dr. Penelope Witherbottom, Chief Bureaucrat of Intersubjective Travel Metrics at DEBL. “Anecdotal evidence suggests that the pressure of a looming passport check can clarify one’s geopolitical affections remarkably quickly.”

Reports from Heathrow indicate early confusion, with one passenger reportedly attempting to present a 'hybrid' passport made from two separate documents taped together. “It’s about efficiency,” explained Nigel Ponsonby-Smythe, a self-proclaimed 'Patriotic Purity Consultant' who now offers expedited 'Allegiance Affirmation' services at Gatwick. “If you can’t pick a side, frankly, you’re just slowing down the queue for everyone else.” Experts predict a surge in single-nationality applications, or, failing that, a significant increase in mid-air identity crises.