KAMPALA – Ugandan authorities have announced the immediate deployment of a newly formed 'Lip-Lock Surveillance Unit' (LLSU) following the recent arrest of two women for allegedly kissing in public. The specialized task force, comprising highly trained officers and advanced thermal imaging binoculars, is tasked with proactively identifying and neutralizing 'unauthorized displays of interpersonal warmth' before they can escalate.

“We simply cannot allow an unchecked proliferation of public smooches,” stated Brigadier General Thaddeus 'The Smooch Stopper' Mwezi, Head of the newly established Department of Public Decorum and Affection Control. “This isn't about hate; it's about maintaining a strict, non-negotiable level of societal emotional restraint. Our citizens deserve to walk the streets without the risk of accidentally witnessing consensual tenderness.”

The LLSU will reportedly utilize a sophisticated algorithm designed to detect 'anomalous facial proximity' and 'sustained oral convergence' with an 87.3% accuracy rate. Offenders, like the recently detained Wendy Faith and Alesi Diana Denise, could face severe penalties, including re-education camps focusing on 'appropriate hand-holding techniques' and 'the art of the platonic nod.'

Dr. Penelope Kisimba, a leading expert from the Institute for the Study of Uncomfortable Gazes, praised the initiative. “This sends a clear message: keep your intimate gestures strictly confined to the abstract realm of theoretical possibility,” she advised. “The nation’s emotional stability depends on it.”