WASHINGTON D.C. — In a bold move to solidify America's energy independence and 'reinvigorate the very essence of American industry,' the Trump administration has officially reclassified coal as an 'Essential National Nutrient,' mandating its continued production and, in a surprising turn, its direct consumption by citizens.

The directive, issued late Tuesday by the newly formed 'Bureau of Mineral Fortification and Patriotic Combustion,' overrides previous plans by utilities in Colorado and elsewhere to decommission aging coal-fired power plants. Instead, these facilities will now be retrofitted to process coal into a 'nutritionally dense, chewable briquette' for public distribution.

'For too long, we've allowed our bodies and our power grids to be weakened by these fancy, invisible energies,' stated Dr. Sterling Ashworth, Undersecretary of Subterranean Wellness and Chairman of the Bureau of Mineral Fortification. 'Coal is robust. It's tangible. It's what built this nation, and frankly, it's what's going to build up your immune system.'

Experts are scrambling to understand the implications. 'While the calorific value of coal is undeniable, its bioavailability for human metabolism is, shall we say, 'suboptimal',' commented Dr. Penelope Fume, Head of Gastro-Industrial Studies at the Institute for Absurd Dietary Guidelines. 'And the long-term health effects of a 100% coal-based diet remain, as yet, unquantified.'

The administration insists the move is a 'win-win-win' for energy, health, and national pride, with the first 'Freedom Fuel Briquettes' expected to hit supermarket shelves by Q3 2020.