AUSTIN, TX – The South by Southwest (SXSW) Film Festival officially announced today that its primary function has evolved from celebrating cinematic achievement to orchestrating viral marketing spectacles. The revelation came after the premiere of “Ready or Not 2: Here I Come,” which attendees described as less a film screening and more a "blood-soaked, devil-worshipping, exploding-body-themed experiential marketing activation."

“We’ve been slowly moving in this direction for years,” stated SXSW Director of Brand Synergy, Brenda 'Buzz' Kincaid. “Remember when we had that VR experience that was just a demo for a new car’s infotainment system? Or the panel on ‘The Future of Storytelling’ that was clearly a pitch for a blockchain-based influencer platform? This is just the natural progression.”

The festival’s new mission statement, unveiled via a drone light show over Lady Bird Lake, reportedly reads: “SXSW: Where your brand’s wildest, most unhinged promotional dreams come true, and occasionally, a film plays.” Future plans include a 'metaverse concert' that’s actually just a product launch, and a 'thought-provoking documentary' that turns out to be a 90-minute commercial for a new streaming service. Critics who once bemoaned the commercialization of the festival are now reportedly just impressed by the sheer audacity.

“It’s really quite brilliant,” noted Dr. Evelyn Finch, a professor of media studies at the University of Texas. “Why pretend to be a film festival when you can be the world’s most expensive, self-aware infomercial? It cuts out the middleman – the art.” Organizers are reportedly considering rebranding the entire event as 'SXSW: The Ad Agency.'