NEW YORK, NY — Simon & Schuster, a venerable institution in the world of bound paper, has announced a global search for a 'Marketing Associate, Audiobooks' tasked with the monumental challenge of explaining to consumers that books can, in fact, be heard. The full-time role requires an individual capable of 'developing and executing title-specific marketing campaigns' for what the company describes as its 'exciting line of original audiobooks' – a format that has existed for decades.
“We understand this is a radical concept for many,” stated Chief Innovation Officer, Brenda Lumina, from a soundproofed booth. “People are accustomed to books being these… silent, visual experiences. Our new initiative, ‘Listen Up! Books Have Voices Now!’, aims to bridge that gap. We need someone who can articulate the profound, almost mystical, experience of having words enter your ear canal directly.”
The ideal candidate, according to the job description, will join an “enthusiastic and collaborative team” dedicated to ensuring the public grasps that a book, when read aloud by a professional, is still, fundamentally, a book. Industry analysts suggest the move is a desperate attempt to stay relevant in a world where people are increasingly aware that human beings possess ears. The company also reportedly considered a similar role for 'Marketing Associate, E-books' to explain that digital text is still, in essence, reading.
Sources close to the publisher indicate that future marketing efforts might include explaining that 'reading' involves looking at words, and 'writing' involves putting them on a page.
