ROME — In a stunning blow to romanticized notions of prehistoric existence, a new study has definitively proven that ancient humans were not immune to the fundamental inconvenience of having a body that occasionally malfunctions. Researchers analyzing DNA from a 12,000-year-old mother and daughter burial in Italy discovered the child suffered from a rare genetic growth disorder, confirming that even before the invention of student loan debt or Wi-Fi outages, life could still be a bit of a drag.

“For too long, we’ve operated under the assumption that our ancestors were just frolicking through meadows, perfectly healthy, occasionally inventing fire, and never once wondering why their knee hurt when it rained,” stated lead researcher Dr. Evelyn Thorne, a paleo-geneticist at the University of Bologna. “This discovery shatters that illusion. It turns out, even without processed foods or endless screen time, genetic mutations were still out there, just doing their thing.”

The findings, published in *Nature*, indicate the mother carried a milder form of the mutation, suggesting that hereditary conditions are not, in fact, a modern invention designed to keep pharmaceutical companies afloat. “It’s almost as if biology has been consistently complex for millennia,” added Dr. Thorne, adjusting her glasses. “Who knew?”

Experts now anticipate a wave of similar studies, hoping to confirm if Neanderthals also experienced mild anxiety about their cave decor or if Homo Erectus ever had trouble assembling IKEA furniture.