SAN MATEO, CA – In a bold move signaling a new era of digital responsibility, online gaming platform Roblox has announced the appointment of Ms. Brenda 'Blame-It-On-The-Parents' Peterson as its inaugural Chief Parental Accountability Officer (CPAO). The newly created role, effective immediately, aims to 'clarify the locus of responsibility' regarding child safety on the platform, definitively placing it outside Roblox's operational purview.

Ms. Peterson, formerly the Head of Recursive Finger-Pointing at a leading blame-shifting consultancy, outlined her vision during a press conference held in a meticulously child-proofed, yet conspicuously empty, virtual boardroom. 'Our extensive internal audits, conducted by the Department of Self-Exoneration, have conclusively demonstrated that 100% of all potential online safety incidents are, in fact, directly attributable to insufficient parental vigilance,' Peterson stated, adjusting her 'I Blame The Parents' lapel pin. 'My team will be developing innovative new algorithms to automatically generate personalized 'You Should Have Known Better' emails, ensuring timely parental notification of their own shortcomings.'

Industry observers lauded the move. Dr. Quentin Quibble, Professor of Post-Responsibility Studies at the University of Fictional Ethics, commented, 'This is a paradigm shift. Why invest in robust internal safeguards when you can simply externalize the entire risk profile onto a demographic already overwhelmed by laundry and existential dread? It’s genius, really.' Roblox stock surged 8.7% following the announcement, with analysts citing 'unprecedented liability mitigation.' The company plans to roll out a mandatory 'Parental Oversight EULA' requiring guardians to sign an affidavit acknowledging full responsibility for the internet itself.