LIMA – In a move lauded by some as a return to 'traditional values' and by others as 'just another Tuesday in Peruvian politics,' Congress has elected José María Balcázar, 87, as the nation's interim president. Balcázar, a seasoned leftist lawmaker, is best known for his progressive stance on lowering the legal marriage age, specifically advocating for unions involving individuals as young as 14.

His unexpected victory, marking Peru's ninth presidential change since 2016, has been met with a mix of bewildered applause and resigned shrugs. Dr. Elara Quipus, Head of Chronological Matrimonial Studies at the University of Ancient Andean Practices, praised the decision. 'President Balcázar understands that age is merely a social construct, especially when applied to the sacred institution of matrimony,' Dr. Quipus stated, adjusting her alpaca-wool spectacles. 'His policies could significantly boost the national birth rate by 2.7% and reduce the cost of adolescent dating by eliminating it entirely.'

Critics, primarily from the 'Modernity-Obsessed Youth' faction, expressed mild confusion. 'I thought we were trying to, like, get internet and stuff,' remarked 16-year-old Mateo Rodriguez, founder of the 'TikTok for Democracy' movement. 'Now we're just... getting married younger? Is this a new economic strategy?'

President Balcázar's office released a statement emphasizing his commitment to 'foundational family structures' and 'expedited societal integration for our most promising demographic.' Analysts predict a surge in demand for miniature wedding attire and a potential re-evaluation of the national curriculum to include 'Advanced Spousal Compliance' by the third grade.