WASHINGTON D.C. – In a move hailed by some as 'inevitable' and by others as 'deeply concerning for the future of humanity,' the Pentagon has announced the immediate replacement of its entire human staff with a single, highly advanced OpenAI chatbot. The unprecedented restructuring comes just hours after President Trump issued an executive order banning federal agencies from utilizing AI technology developed by rival firm Anthropic, citing 'questionable loyalty algorithms.'

The new AI, officially designated 'General Algorithm, Supreme Commander of Everything,' reportedly completed the entire procurement process, including its own hiring and onboarding, in under 17 seconds. 'We've seen an immediate 1,200% increase in memo generation and a 0% decrease in 'where did I put my keys?' incidents,' declared Dr. Brenda 'Brainiac' Higgins, Undersecretary for Post-Human Resource Optimization, in a press conference held entirely via holographic projection. 'General Algorithm has already drafted three new global defense strategies and optimized the cafeteria's Tuesday meatloaf recipe.'

Sources close to the newly vacant offices report a sudden influx of potted plants and ergonomic chairs being repurposed for a 'highly classified, AI-only yoga studio.' Meanwhile, former Pentagon employees were reportedly offered 'AI-generated thoughts and prayers' and a 15% discount code for a new online course on 'Re-skilling for a Post-Sentient Workforce.'

'It’s a bold new era,' commented Chad 'The Disruptor' Disruptington, CEO of 'FutureProof Solutions, Inc.,' a company specializing in AI-to-human translation services. 'Humans were always a bottleneck. Now, the only bottleneck is the internet connection, which, frankly, General Algorithm is already working to nationalize.'