MILAN – In a move designed to appease every nation and no nation simultaneously, the International Paralympic Committee (IPC) today unveiled a new 'Geopolitical Neutrality' flag. The banner, a dizzying collage of every national flag superimposed onto each other, is intended to be hoisted at future events, ensuring no single country feels either included or excluded.
“We believe this innovative design truly captures the spirit of global unity, or at least, global acknowledgment of everyone’s existence,” stated IPC spokesperson, Dr. Anya Sharma, while squinting at the new flag. “It’s a visual representation of our commitment to not taking sides, unless taking a side means not taking a side, which is a side we are firmly on.”
The announcement comes amidst ongoing tensions at the Milano-Cortina Winter Paralympics, where the return of the Russian flag prompted several nations to boycott the opening ceremony. Critics argue the new flag, while visually striking, may not solve the underlying issues.
“It just looks like a laundry basket exploded in a vexillologist’s dream,” commented one anonymous delegate from a boycotting nation. “Are we supposed to salute the concept of ‘everywhere and nowhere’? It’s less a flag and more a Rorschach test for international relations.”
Sources close to the committee suggest the next step might involve replacing national anthems with a single, universally baffling instrumental track composed entirely of discordant national melodies played simultaneously.
