PANAMA CITY – In a stunning display of environmental consciousness, Panama’s golden frogs, recently pulled back from the brink of extinction, have reportedly issued an ultimatum to global policymakers: clean up the planet, or they'll simply go extinct again out of spite. The vibrant amphibians, once decimated by a deadly chytrid fungus, have made a remarkable comeback, only to find the world still deeply entrenched in climate denial and ecological mismanagement.

“Frankly, we’re disappointed,” stated a spokesperson for the newly formed Amphibian Environmental Council (AEC), identified only as 'Goldie.' “We went through all that trouble of not dying, only to emerge into a world still arguing about carbon taxes and whether plastic straws are really that bad. We had higher hopes for humanity after our 17-year sabbatical from existence.”

Experts are baffled by the frogs’ sudden political awakening. Dr. Evelyn Reed, a herpetologist who dedicated her career to saving the species, expressed concern. “We thought we were celebrating a conservation success story. Now they’re staging sit-ins on lily pads and demanding divestment from fossil fuels. It’s… unexpected.”

The frogs' demands include an immediate cessation of deforestation, a global ban on single-use plastics, and a full transition to renewable energy sources by 2030. Failure to comply, according to Goldie, would result in “a collective, species-wide shrug, followed by a swift and deliberate re-extinction.”

World leaders are reportedly scrambling to respond, with one anonymous UN official stating, “We didn’t account for the existential dread of a frog.”