SALT LAKE CITY – Olympic curler Matt Hamilton, known for his distinctive mustache and uncanny ability to glide heavy stones across ice, has reportedly expanded his focus from competitive curling to policing the emotional atmosphere of the sport. Hamilton, who recently made headlines for his outspoken political views, is now advocating for a "zero-tolerance policy" against what he terms "bad vibes" on and around the curling sheet.

According to sources close to the athlete, Hamilton believes that negative energy, poor sportsmanship, and general grumpiness are far more detrimental to national unity than any political disagreement. "Look, if you can't respect the house, you can't respect the country," Hamilton stated in a recent, highly-scrutinized interview. "We need to sweep out the negativity, one stone at a time. And if you're bringing that kind of energy, frankly, you don't belong here. Or on the ice."

Officials from the World Curling Federation have yet to comment on Hamilton's proposed "Vibe Check" protocols, which reportedly include mandatory pre-game mood assessments and a designated "penalty box" for players exhibiting excessive cynicism. "It’s a bold strategy, Cotton," remarked one anonymous WCF insider, "especially for a sport where most of the drama is internal."

Hamilton is reportedly drafting legislation to ensure that all future Olympic venues are equipped with 'Vibe Detectors' and 'Aura Scanners' to maintain peak emotional performance. He believes this will lead to a more harmonious and, ultimately, more competitive global sporting environment.