WASHINGTON D.C. – A groundbreaking new study released today by the Institute for Marital Sustainability has definitively concluded that the most effective way to safeguard a marriage from financial crises is to simply have more money. The comprehensive, multi-year analysis, which tracked thousands of couples, found a near-perfect correlation between a robust bank account and a perceived absence of marital conflict.
“While previous generations clung to quaint notions of 'communication' and 'mutual respect,' our data clearly indicates that a healthy savings account is the true bedrock of connubial harmony,” stated lead researcher Dr. Evelyn Thorne. “Couples who reported fewer arguments over finances invariably also reported fewer arguments over, well, everything else. It turns out, not having to worry about money frees up a remarkable amount of emotional bandwidth for things like ‘love’ and ‘shared hobbies.’”
The study also noted a significant decrease in the perceived importance of 'money secrets' among wealthier couples, suggesting that the only real secret is an abundance of capital. “It’s quite simple, really,” Dr. Thorne added. “When you can afford a new dishwasher without a spousal summit, the marriage tends to hum along quite nicely.”
Experts now recommend that instead of therapy or financial counseling, couples simply focus on acquiring more wealth, asserting that a rising tide lifts all marital boats, especially yachts.
