LOS ANGELES – Celebrity cookbook author Ella Quittner, whose latest culinary tome “Why Am I Like This?” has topped best-seller lists, confessed this week that her famed “delightfully obsessive” approach to recipes is, in fact, a thinly veiled manifestation of generalized anxiety disorder. Quittner, known for her relentless quest for the fluffiest pancake and crispiest potato, admitted the kitchen has become her primary arena for managing existential dread.

“People call it passion, I call it a desperate attempt to control at least one small corner of a chaotic universe,” Quittner stated in a candid interview. “If I can perfectly calibrate the water-to-flour ratio for a scone, maybe I can avoid thinking about, you know, everything else.” She added that her 17-page chapter on achieving the ideal chicken skin was less about gastronomy and more about avoiding her therapist’s calls.

Industry insiders have long suspected Quittner’s intense focus. “We thought she was just incredibly dedicated,” commented food critic Penelope Crust. “Now it makes sense why she’d spend six months developing a recipe for ‘marginally less disappointing broccoli.’ It’s a cry for help, seasoned with garlic powder.”

Quittner’s publisher, Fervent Press, quickly issued a statement clarifying that while they support Ms. Quittner’s mental health journey, they anticipate the next cookbook, tentatively titled “Just Eat The Damn Thing,” will have significantly fewer steps.