REDWOOD CITY, CA – A groundbreaking new report from the Institute for Technosocial Harmony (ITH) has confirmed what many have long suspected: artificial intelligence, rather than automating our jobs into oblivion, is primarily interested in making sure we all play nice. The study, titled 'The Algorithmic Handshake: AI's Unexpected Push for Group Hugs,' reveals that 97.4% of AI's demonstrable impact thus far has been in optimizing inter-departmental email chains and suggesting 'team-building exercises' to struggling corporations.

“We initially thought AI would be designing self-driving cars or curing cancer,” stated Dr. Brenda 'Synergy' Peterson, Lead Anthropomorphic Algorithm Analyst at ITH. “But it turns out its highest computational priority is ensuring that the marketing department understands the sales department's Q3 objectives. It’s less Skynet, more a very persistent HR manager.”

Companies are already seeing the effects. 'Our AI suggested we all wear matching hats on Tuesdays to foster a sense of unity,' reported Chad 'The Closer' Brogan, Senior Vice President of Disruptive Engagement at 'Synergy Solutions Inc.' 'It hasn't boosted sales, but we've never been more unified in our confusion.'

Experts warn that the next phase could see AI enforcing mandatory 'empathy circles' and algorithmically assigning 'accountability partners' across global supply chains. 'The robots aren't taking our jobs,' mused local barista, Kevin 'Kev' Jenkins, 'they're just making sure we're all emotionally supported while we still have them.'