NEW YORK, NY — Following James Harden’s recent achievement of scoring 29,000 career points, the National Basketball Association has announced the immediate formation of the '29,000 Points Club,' an elite, highly exclusive organization whose primary purpose is to acknowledge the existence of players who have scored 29,000 points.
“This is a momentous occasion, one that absolutely required the creation of a new, distinct club,” stated NBA Commissioner Adam Silver in a press release that was oddly specific about the type of velvet rope to be used at future club events. “We felt it was crucial to distinguish these nine individuals from the mere 28,000-point plebians, or the frankly embarrassing 27,000-point commoners.”
Sources close to the league indicate that initial club activities will include a quarterly newsletter, a bespoke lapel pin, and an annual retreat to a location yet to be determined, but rumored to involve a lot of golf and very little actual basketball. Membership dues are expected to be substantial, primarily to fund the ongoing development of even more exclusive clubs for future, increasingly niche milestones.
“It’s not just about the points; it’s about the exclusivity,” explained Dr. Evelyn Thorne, a fictional sports sociologist. “Soon, we’ll have the '29,000 Points, 7,000 Assists, and Exactly 3 Technical Fouls in a Calendar Year' Club. The possibilities for stratified recognition are endless.”
Club members are reportedly already debating the proper etiquette for acknowledging 30,000-point club members, who are seen as both mentors and existential threats.
