MIAMI, FL – The National Basketball Association (NBA) has confirmed it is fast-tracking plans for a new 'One-Man Team' league, effective next season, after Miami Heat center Bam Adebayo single-handedly outscored the Washington Wizards in a recent 83-point outburst. The unprecedented individual effort, which saw Adebayo account for 70% of his team's points, has prompted league officials to question the very concept of 'team' basketball.
“Frankly, it’s getting a bit awkward,” admitted NBA Commissioner Adam Silver, speaking from a hastily arranged press conference where he was flanked by a single, oversized trophy. “When one player is essentially playing 5-on-1 against the other team, and winning, you have to ask: what are the other four guys even doing out there? Are they… props? Human shields?”
The new league, tentatively named 'The Solos,' will feature star players competing against each other with minimal, if any, support staff. Early proposals suggest players might be allowed one ball boy, or perhaps a designated towel holder, but absolutely no passing. “We want to celebrate pure, unadulterated individual brilliance,” stated league spokesperson Brenda Chen. “And honestly, it’ll cut down on travel costs for all those extra bodies.”
Sources close to the league indicate that Adebayo, along with other high-usage players, is already being fitted for custom-made, extra-large jerseys that simply read 'ME' on the back. The move is expected to streamline game strategy, allowing coaches to focus solely on ensuring their star player doesn't trip over his own feet.
