LOS ANGELES, CA — A recent musical offering from entrepreneur and socialite Angela Simmons has reportedly pushed the internet’s capacity for nuanced criticism past its breaking point, leaving millions of users staring blankly at their screens, unable to articulate their feelings beyond a series of increasingly desperate emoji combinations.

According to a new report from the Institute for Digital Discourse, the release of Simmons’s debut single, ‘Run To,’ coupled with its accompanying music video, triggered an unprecedented surge in phrases like “Hmm,” “Okay, sis,” and “Well, that happened.” Researchers noted a particularly alarming spike in the use of the 'side-eye' emoji, indicating a widespread communication breakdown.

“We’ve been tracking the degradation of online critical language for years,” stated Dr. Evelyn Thorne, lead researcher. “But this event… this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. People are literally just posting pictures of confused cats now. We’re seeing a regression to pre-linguistic forms of expression.”

One anonymous social media manager, tasked with monitoring public sentiment, confessed, “I’ve used every variation of ‘interesting choice’ known to man. I even tried ‘a bold artistic statement,’ but my boss just looked at me like I was insane. There’s simply no new way to say ‘bless her heart’ without sounding like a broken record.”

The crisis has prompted calls for a global summit on internet etiquette and a potential reintroduction of carrier pigeons for truly devastating feedback. Meanwhile, Angela Simmons’s representatives have yet to comment, presumably because they’re too busy translating the interpretive dance reviews.