WASHINGTON D.C. — A new report from the Institute for Culinary Anxiety (ICA) reveals that millions of Americans are experiencing unprecedented levels of stress over their choice of Easter ham glaze. What was once a simple matter of personal preference has escalated into a high-stakes decision, with many fearing that a sub-par glaze could lead to familial discord, social ostracization, and a general sense of existential dread.

“The pressure is immense,” stated Dr. Brenda Carmichael, lead researcher at the ICA. “We’re seeing individuals paralyzed by choice, weighing the societal implications of a peach-based glaze versus, say, a more traditional pineapple. The addition of wine, honey, or even a hint of Dijon mustard now carries the weight of a geopolitical negotiation.” Dr. Carmichael noted a particular spike in anxiety surrounding the 'Peaches, Honey, & Wine Glazed Ham' recipe, which, while popular, has been described as 'aggressively ambitious' by some survey respondents.

Local homemaker Carol Jenkins, 54, admitted to spending three hours researching the optimal pH balance for a glaze that would simultaneously impress her in-laws and subtly assert her culinary dominance. “My neighbor, Brenda, always does a maple-bourbon. If I don’t come with something equally, if not more, transcendent, I might as well just serve cold cuts,” Jenkins confessed, wiping a tear from her eye. “My family’s entire perception of my worth hinges on this ham.”

Experts advise home cooks to remember that, ultimately, it’s just a ham. However, they also caution that saying that out loud could be interpreted as a declaration of war.