WASHINGTON D.C. — A coalition of the nation's leading dietitians and wellness influencers today unveiled a groundbreaking initiative to redefine holiday indulgence, starting with the Easter season. Their flagship creation, the 'No-Sugar Sugar Cookie,' promises all the festive shapes and none of the flavor, marking a significant step towards a future where celebratory treats are indistinguishable from packing peanuts.

“For too long, holidays have been synonymous with unchecked hedonism and, frankly, deliciousness,” stated Dr. Brenda Sweetener, spokesperson for the newly formed 'Coalition for Culinary Austerity.' “Our goal is to ensure that every bite of a holiday treat is a conscious, guilt-ridden reminder of your health goals, rather than an enjoyable experience.” The cookies, reportedly sweetened with a blend of 'aspirational thoughts' and 'the vague concept of stevia,' are designed to deter overconsumption through sheer lack of appeal.

Early reviews from a focus group of children were mixed, with one 7-year-old participant, Timmy Jenkins, reportedly asking, “Is this what sadness tastes like?” Adult tasters, however, praised the cookies for their ability to “fill you up without making you feel like you’ve actually eaten anything good.”

The Coalition plans to expand its efforts to other holidays, with 'Flavorless Fourth of July Fireworks' and 'Thanksgiving Tofurkey-Flavored Tofurkey' already in development. Experts predict a sharp decline in holiday spirit, followed by a slight uptick in fiber intake.