WESTMINSTER – A cross-party parliamentary committee has voted overwhelmingly to release classified documents pertaining to Prince Andrew’s decade-long tenure as the UK’s Special Representative for International Trade and Investment, a move expected to confirm the 'highly unusual' activities he undertook, such as meeting foreign dignitaries and discussing economic partnerships.

Sources close to the investigation suggest the files, dating from 2001 to 2011, may contain evidence of the Duke of York engaging in what experts are now cautiously identifying as 'trade promotion' and 'international relations.' A preliminary review of redacted summaries reportedly shows instances of the Prince shaking hands, attending ribbon-cutting ceremonies, and even, in one particularly egregious case, 'actively listening' to a presentation on emerging markets.

Dr. Penelope Ficklebottom, Head of Retrospective Obviousness at the Institute for Post-Fact Scrutiny, commented, 'Our initial analysis indicates a strong correlation between the Prince's travel and the stated objectives of a trade envoy. This groundbreaking finding challenges the prevailing assumption that the role was purely ceremonial, or perhaps a complex tax evasion scheme for international golf courses.'

Public reaction is anticipated to be one of profound bewilderment. 'I always just assumed he was touring luxury hotels on the taxpayer's dime,' confessed Brenda Twaddle, 72, from Scunthorpe. 'To think he might have actually been, you know, working, is frankly quite unsettling.'

The full release of the 1,472 pages of documents, including expense reports for 'cultural immersion' and 'strategic networking,' is scheduled for late 2025, allowing ample time for the public to mentally prepare for the undeniable truth.