CAPE CANAVERAL, FL – NASA’s highly anticipated Artemis II lunar mission, originally slated for a March launch, has been indefinitely postponed after engineers discovered the Space Launch System (SLS) rocket was suffering from what experts are calling a 'profound existential crisis.' The massive booster reportedly developed an 'interrupted flow' not of helium, but of self-worth, leading to its refusal to proceed to the launchpad.

“We initially suspected a minor technical glitch, perhaps a loose bolt or a misaligned sensor,” stated Dr. Elara Vance, Chief Astropsychologist at the newly formed NASA Department of Inanimate Object Wellness. “However, after extensive diagnostics, the SLS conveyed, via highly advanced telemetry, that it felt 'unseen' and 'pressured' by the looming lunar deadline. It specifically mentioned feeling like 'just another piece of hardware in a cold, uncaring universe.'”

The rocket's unexpected emotional turmoil necessitates a full 'therapeutic rollback' to the Vehicle Assembly Building (VAB), where it will undergo a specialized regimen of positive affirmations, structural massage, and group therapy sessions with older, more experienced rockets. “We’re hoping to re-establish its sense of cosmic purpose,” Dr. Vance added, noting that the VAB's dimly lit interior and ambient white noise are ideal for 'deep introspection.'

Launch Director Reginald 'Reggie' Bluster, visibly exasperated, confirmed the delay could push the mission to April, or potentially 'whenever the darn thing decides it’s ready to face its destiny.' Taxpayers are reportedly funding an emergency budget for artisanal rocket fuel and a dedicated 'comfort blanket' woven from recycled space shuttle insulation.