WASHINGTON D.C. – NASA Administrator Jared Isaacman announced a dramatically accelerated timeline for the Artemis Moon missions yesterday, vowing to land three crewed missions on the lunar surface before the potential end of President Trump's term in 2028. The ambitious new schedule, unveiled during a hastily convened press conference, reportedly aims to beat 'the natural decay rate of executive memory regarding long-term scientific endeavors.'

Sources within the agency, who spoke on condition of anonymity to avoid being reassigned to 'Mars colonization feasibility studies using only duct tape and positive thinking,' confirmed the new directive came directly from the Oval Office. 'The President asked if we could do it by Tuesday,' stated Dr. Evelyn 'Evie' Stardust, head of the newly formed 'Orbital Optimism and Expediency Department.' 'We explained the physics, and he settled for 'before the next election, or at least before the next golf tournament.''

Despite ongoing delays with the Artemis II mission, Isaacman reassured the public that 'innovation thrives under pressure.' He outlined plans to retrofit existing hardware with 'more enthusiastic thrusters' and to potentially swap out some non-essential scientific instruments for 'morale-boosting mini-golf courses.'

Local enthusiast and self-proclaimed 'Lunar Logistics Luminary,' Bartholomew 'Barty' Spaceman, 73, of Rockville, Maryland, expressed cautious optimism. 'If anyone can get us to the Moon by 2028, it's a deadline-driven administration and a space agency with its back against the wall. Just hope they remember to pack enough Tang for the whole trip.'