MORRISTOWN, NJ – The Morris Catholic High School girls basketball team has once again clinched the Non-Public sectional title, advancing to the state championship on March 12 at Rutgers. Sources close to the team confirm that the victory was achieved under the standard rules of basketball, despite growing sentiment that such rules are now merely suggestions for their opponents.
“We try to make it interesting,” admitted Coach Brenda Jenkins, adjusting her championship hat. “Sometimes we let them inbound the ball. Other times, we even allow them to dribble past half-court before the inevitable happens. It’s about sportsmanship, you know?”
The team’s unparalleled defensive prowess has led to a series of lopsided victories, with many games reportedly resembling a casual practice session against a particularly bewildered group of strangers. Opposing coaches have begun submitting formal requests for rule modifications, including proposals for Morris Catholic to play with one hand tied behind their backs, or perhaps against two other teams simultaneously.
“It’s demoralizing,” stated Coach Gary Peterson of a rival school, who wished to remain anonymous to avoid further public humiliation. “My girls just want to experience the thrill of scoring a basket without it being immediately followed by a 15-0 run. Is that too much to ask?”
League officials are reportedly considering a new 'Morris Catholic Invitational' bracket, where the team would compete against a rotating roster of professional athletes from other sports, local mascots, and possibly a small, well-trained bear, just to see what happens.
