LOS ANGELES – Veteran actress Morgan Fairchild has revealed that her refusal to 'sell her soul' in Hollywood was less about moral fortitude and more about the industry's notoriously convoluted and often disappointing soul-acquisition protocols. Fairchild, known for her roles in 'Falcon Crest' and 'Flamingo Road,' described the process as 'an absolute nightmare of paperwork and vague contractual obligations.'

'Honestly, it wasn't the eternal damnation that put me off, it was the lack of a clear benefits package,' Fairchild told reporters from her meticulously preserved 1980s-themed living room. 'They wanted exclusive rights to my existential essence, but couldn't guarantee a consistent parking spot on the lot. It was insulting.'

According to Dr. Quentin Blight, head of Esoteric Transactional Ethics at the University of Southern California's Institute for Applied Metaphysics, Fairchild's experience is not uncommon. 'The Hollywood soul market is incredibly fragmented,' Dr. Blight explained, adjusting his monocle. 'There's no central exchange, no NASDAQ for the spiritual. You've got your major studios offering bulk deals, then your indie producers trying to barter a soul for a second-hand golf cart and a promise of 'exposure.' It's a Wild West scenario.'

Fairchild ultimately opted for a 'dignity-based' career trajectory, which, while preserving her immortal essence, she admits resulted in 'significantly fewer roles requiring me to wear a sequined jumpsuit while dramatically slapping someone.' Industry analysts suggest that had she engaged a more aggressive demonic agent, her spiritual portfolio might have yielded better returns.