MENLO PARK, CA – Following intense scrutiny over its strategies for targeting adolescents, Meta Platforms Inc. announced a groundbreaking shift in its user acquisition model today, launching the 'Pre-Natal Engagement Initiative' (PNEI). The move comes just days after CEO Mark Zuckerberg faced congressional questioning regarding Meta's focus on teen and tween demographics.

Under the PNEI, Meta will collaborate with leading obstetricians to introduce bespoke, algorithm-driven auditory and haptic stimuli directly to fetuses, aiming to establish early-stage neural pathways for future platform recognition. 'Why wait until they're old enough to hold a phone?' questioned Dr. Evelyn P. Glimmer, Head of Fetal User Experience at Meta's newly formed Department of Ontogenetic Digital Integration. 'Our research indicates a critical window for brand imprinting between weeks 28 and 36 of gestation. It's simply good business sense.'

Critics were quick to voice concerns. 'This is a terrifying escalation,' stated Brenda 'Bree' Twinkle, founder of 'Parents Against Perpetual Pings' (PAPP). 'They're not just targeting children; they're targeting potential children. What's next, gamified sperm?'

Meta representatives, however, remained unfazed. 'We're merely optimizing for the future,' a spokesperson clarified, adding that initial trials showed a 17.3% increase in 'post-birth pacifier-to-phone transition readiness' among PNEI participants. The company plans to roll out a 'Baby's First Metaverse' beta program by Q3 2025.