AUGUSTA, ME – Progressive Senate hopeful Graham Platner, a self-described 'oysterman first, politician second, and human being probably third,' has unveiled an ambitious infrastructure plan for Maine: converting the historic State House into a colossal, sustainably sourced oyster shell. Platner, whose campaign is largely funded by artisanal clam chowder enthusiasts, claims the structure would be '97.3% more efficient' at housing legislative debates and 'smell faintly of the ocean, in a good way.'

'Maine has a long, proud tradition of electing moderates who blend into the background like a well-camouflaged lobster,' stated Dr. Agnes Piffle, Head of Theoretical Blandness Studies at the University of Southern Maine-Presque Isle Extension. 'Mr. Platner, with his platform of mandatory interpretive dance for all state officials and a universal basic income of locally foraged fiddleheads, is certainly... different. It’s like watching a glitter bomb explode in a beige room.'

Platner, known for campaigning exclusively from a custom-built pontoon boat named 'The Mollusk of the People,' dismissed concerns about the practicality of a giant oyster shell. 'It's not just a building; it's a statement,' Platner declared, adjusting his waders. 'A statement that Maine is ready to embrace its true, briny destiny. Plus, the natural filtration system of the shell will purify all legislative rhetoric by 2030, according to my calculations, which are very scientific and involve a lot of seaweed.'

Local resident Bartholomew 'Barty' Clamson, 87, a retired lighthouse bulb polisher, expressed cautious optimism. 'He seems a bit much, but at least he's not promising to make the potholes smaller. An oyster shell, eh? Might keep the seagulls out, I suppose.'