BEDFORD FALLS – The Serenity Heights Psychiatric Institute, a leading local mental health facility, has issued a press release celebrating what they term a 'groundbreaking, high-intensity therapeutic immersion program' following the recent arrests of 15 staff members.

According to Dr. Quentin Quibble, Chief of 'Synergy and Wellness' at Serenity Heights, the arrests were merely an 'unfortunate misinterpretation of our highly experimental, yet undeniably effective, 'Reality Re-calibration' protocols.' He added, 'What some might call 'abuse,' we call 'experiential boundary-testing.' Our patients are experiencing a level of authentic human interaction previously unattainable in traditional therapeutic settings.'

One former patient, who requested anonymity but identified themselves as 'Patient 7B, the one who thinks they’re a sentient toaster,' stated, 'They really pushed the envelope. I mean, I *still* think I’m a toaster, but now I’m a toaster with trust issues. That’s progress, right?'

The facility’s board of directors, in a unanimous vote, has decided to rename the program 'The Serenity Heights 'Tough Love' Initiative,' citing a 3.7% increase in patient 'self-advocacy' (defined as 'screaming for help') and a 12% rise in 'situational awareness' (defined as 'noticing when someone is approaching with a restraint'). Local authorities remain 'perplexed' by the facility's unwavering optimism.