SPRINGFIELD – Local resident Chad 'The Hammer' Harrison, 34, has reportedly streamlined his entire identity around the fictional 1980s sci-fi thriller, 'Detective Crashmore,' a film that, by all accounts, does not exist outside of a single sketch from the Netflix series 'I Think You Should Leave.'

Harrison, a former enthusiast of artisanal cheeses and competitive birdwatching, has purged his home of all non-Crashmore related paraphernalia. 'It's a VHS era, R-rated classic,' Harrison stated, adjusting a sweat-stained 'Crashmore Lives' bandana. 'The gritty realism, the practical effects – you just don't get that anymore. It speaks to the soul of a man who's seen too much.'

Dr. Elara Finch, Head of Fictional Media Obsession at the Institute for Advanced Cultural Assimilation, expressed concern. 'While a healthy appreciation for niche media is common, Mr. Harrison's 100% commitment to a non-existent property represents a troubling new frontier in singular cultural absorption,' Dr. Finch explained via teleconference from her office, which was clearly just a broom closet. 'We've seen partial absorption, even 70-80%, but never a full, unyielding 100%.'

Harrison has reportedly begun referring to his pet goldfish as 'Captain Justice' and has filed a formal complaint with his local video store for not stocking the film. 'They just don't get it,' he lamented, polishing a VHS tape labeled 'CRASHMORE: UNCUT.' 'The studio probably buried it. Too real for the masses.'