SPRINGFIELD, IL – The Springfield Benevolent Thrift Store was briefly evacuated Tuesday after a well-meaning donor contributed what staff initially believed to be a 'very heavy, oddly shaped can of beans' to their overflowing donation bin. The item was later identified by a hastily summoned bomb squad as a 105mm artillery shell, believed to be inert, but still capable of ruining a perfectly good Tuesday.

“We always say, ‘Every little bit helps,’ and this donor certainly took that to heart,” stated Brenda Piffle, Director of Unsolicited Acquisitions for the charity, her voice still a little shaky. “While we typically prefer gently used clothing or non-perishable food items, we cannot fault the sentiment. It’s the thought that counts, even if that thought requires a 500-foot perimeter and specialized military personnel.”

The incident, which caused a three-hour closure of Main Street and delayed several crucial bingo games at the adjacent senior center, has prompted the charity to update its donation guidelines. “We’re adding a new clause: ‘No items that could reasonably be mistaken for weaponry or ancient curses,’” confirmed Dr. Quentin Quibble, a leading expert in Philanthropic Risk Assessment from the Institute for Charitable Catastrophes. “It's a surprisingly common oversight, especially during estate clear-outs.”

Authorities are not pursuing charges, citing the donor’s 'obvious lack of malicious intent and surprisingly robust upper body strength.' The shell is now safely in the custody of the Bureau of Historically Significant Yet Highly Dangerous Yard Sale Finds.