MADRID – In a groundbreaking move to manage what officials are now calling 'predictable fan engagement metrics,' La Liga has unveiled a new 'Racism Quota' system. The initiative aims to standardize the number of alleged racist incidents per season, ensuring a consistent and 'culturally authentic' match-day atmosphere.

Under the new guidelines, each club will be assigned a minimum and maximum threshold of reported discriminatory acts. 'This isn't about condoning racism, per se,' explained Dr. Penelope Fickle, Head of Fan Behavior Normalization at the Spanish Football Federation. 'It's about data-driven predictability. We've noticed certain patterns, particularly involving players like Vinicius Jr., and frankly, it's becoming an administrative burden to process these incidents ad-hoc.'

Clubs failing to meet their minimum quota may face sanctions, including mandatory 'fan education' sessions featuring interpretive dance. Conversely, clubs exceeding their maximum could be fined for 'over-enthusiastic' crowd participation. 'We want a balanced ecosystem,' added Esteban 'El Calculador' Gómez, Chief of Statistical Outrage Management. 'Too little, and the international headlines don't write themselves. Too much, and it looks like we're not even trying to pretend we're fixing it.'

Sources close to the league suggest Vinicius Jr.'s club, Real Madrid, has been assigned a 'Tier 1 Platinum' quota, reflecting his 'exceptional contribution to incident generation.' The player himself was unavailable for comment, reportedly busy practicing his goal celebrations in a soundproof booth.