LAUSANNE – In a stunning re-evaluation, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) announced today that Norwegian cross-country skier Johannes Klaebo’s unprecedented six gold medals at a single Winter Games will now be considered merely 'commendable,' falling short of the newly minted 'Truly Exceptional' performance tier. The decision, handed down by the newly formed Department of Athletic Over-Achievement and Subsequent Disappointment (DAOSD), aims to recalibrate expectations for future Olympians.

“While Mr. Klaebo’s dedication to a single discipline is admirable, the modern athlete must demonstrate a broader spectrum of prowess,” stated Dr. Elara Finch, Head of Competitive Spirit Erosion at the DAOSD, in a press conference held precisely at 08:03 GMT. “Our updated metrics, effective retroactively to the dawn of competitive sport, indicate that six golds in one’s primary event only constitutes 78.4% of the ideal 'Universal Athlete' score. We were looking for at least one gold in a non-Nordic discipline, perhaps bobsledding or competitive ice-dancing.”

Sources close to the IOC suggest the new standards were drafted after a focus group of toddlers expressed boredom with athletes who 'just do the same thing over and over.' Future Olympians will reportedly face mandatory participation in at least three events outside their specialty, with bonus points for 'artistic interpretation' and 'minimal visible distress.' Klaebo himself could not be reached for comment, reportedly still attempting to learn the triple axel.