STOCKHOLM — IKEA, the global purveyor of flat-pack existential dread, has officially launched its new 'Pre-Hacked' furniture collection, catering to a demographic apparently too time-crunched or spiritually broken to follow pictographic instructions. The initiative comes after years of observing customers combine their best-selling items into slightly more functional, yet still fundamentally IKEA, configurations.

“We noticed a trend,” stated Chief Innovation Officer Bjorn Svensson, adjusting his minimalist spectacles. “People were taking our Kallax, our Linnmon, our Alex drawers, and… putting them next to each other. Sometimes even on top of each other. It was revolutionary, in a very predictable way.” The new line promises to deliver these groundbreaking combinations directly to consumers, albeit with an added surcharge for the pre-emptive 'hacking' labor.

Early offerings include the 'Desk-Plus-Storage-Unit-Combo-Thing,' which combines three popular items into a single, slightly more expensive item that still requires assembly. “It’s about convenience,” Svensson added. “Why spend three hours building a desk, then another two hours building a storage unit, then five minutes pushing them together, when you can just spend five hours building one unit that’s already pushed together?”

Industry analysts believe the move is a bold step towards acknowledging that the average consumer's free time is now worth more than the cost savings of self-assembly, or perhaps, that the sheer volume of tiny wooden dowels has finally broken the human spirit. The company also hinted at future 'Pre-Hacked' lines, including a bookshelf that's already filled with decorative but unread books.